Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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