my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
