Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
