theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
