During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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