Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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