she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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