I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
