I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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