idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
they're like a gay fantastic four
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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