I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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