He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
