just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
