so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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