he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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