Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
