How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
