You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
