Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
