he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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