omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
