I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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