He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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