I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
