Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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