When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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