That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
