Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
