she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
