I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
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I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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