I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
