Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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