You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
