I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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