I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
