why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
