i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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