I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
