I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
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only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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