we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
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Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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