I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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