Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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