So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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