I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She's the barista slut.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
