i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
