how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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