Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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