he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
