her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
