this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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