What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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