i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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