No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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