I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
