I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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