I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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