I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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