The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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