i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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